the mark part two

by jane forest
  • November 3, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter

Deleted by request

Comments & reviews · 3
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EonSoul Review
EonSoul wrote a review · Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:01 pm

It's really short, and it has some errors. You should add some more detail and correct some sentences, and it will be even better.

Her father often said "go change into a shorter shirt." But her mothers conter attack was "no darling, shes okay" Selckey had the feeling her mother knew her secret, but neither of them ever spoke of it.


You need to capitalize the first letter for the dialogue and put a comma before the word was. And the word conter is spelled wrong. You forgot a "u" in it.

One day at school the pricipal declared that they would start a swimming class in school. She was delighted as (although she never had) she loved to swim she often dreamed of her swimming with the whales, and now was her chance to make a dream come true the only problem was;


Put a comma before One day, because it's sort of a pause, and a comma will clarify that. Also before the word delighted, a comma. You have a few run on sentences, so read it over and put a period after she loves to swim, and to make a dream come true. Capitalize the next sentence and put a : (I forgot what it was called :?). And the word pricipal is spelled wrong. A "n" before the letter "c" will correct the problem.

" no." comfirmed her mother "you will drown."

" but mom" Selcky cried

" I don't see why not" said her father

"no." her mother said again, sticking firmly to her choice


Capitalize, commas, and periods. The word comfirmed is wrong. Replace the first "m" with "n."

The whole birthmark thing, and how she can't go into the water, was pretty cool. Sorry for nit-picking by the way.

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blah blah blah Review
blah blah blah wrote a review · Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:59 am

:D :( :o :shock: :? 8) :lol: :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :wink: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow: :| :mrgreen: :elephant: :thud: :smt001 :smt002 :smt003 :smt004 :smt005 It's turning out more good than wierd



"Honestly, I think the world is going to end bloody. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. We do have choices."
— Dean Winchester